Resilience and Independence at University (How too much can be bad)

We're told that there are two key qualities you will need to learn to develop and grow upon whilst at university:

1. Independence – moving away from home and having to do everything for yourself. Basically, it’s the first step to becoming an ‘adult’.
2. Resilience – university is tough. Academically, socially and mentally. It’s one of those things which no matter how much you try to prepare yourself for, it will hit you hard at one point or another.
   

It’s true. You need to learn to develop these qualities at university. You have to “rely on yourself” and self-motivate yourself. There are no parents or teachers to make sure that you’re doing what you’re supposed to. 

However, it can get to a point where we rely too much on ourselves and we are resilient to be completely independent. Amongst all of that we forget that sometimes we do need to ask for support from others. 

Sometimes in life this happens (the brown goat represents a challenge; a hardship and the black and white one is you):

 
Too often we're told to 'grin and bear it'.  

That's the impression we get when we go to university: you have to be independent. You're an adult now, so just “deal with it”. 

Resilience and independence is all good, but too much of it? Not good. It's a recipe for disaster and it will take a toll on your emotional and mental wellbeing.

The point? 


It's perfectly OKAY to seek help when you need it. It doesn't matter if it's just something you think is 'small' and not worth talking about. 

It IS worth talking about.

Loneliness? Academic worries? You're missing your family and friends? Homesickness? Mental health? You're just feeling a little bit down? Had a rough week?

Any struggle is worth talking about. 

Admitting that you are unhappy is scary. It's the BIGGEST step you have to take, and it's also the first (I know, very helpful, right?). But I promise you that once you do, there ARE people who WANT to help. Don't just 'grin and bear it' as they say.

I'm lucky to have such strong support systems back at home. The academics in Psychology here at Warwick are also amazing when it comes to the wellbeing of their students. They are constantly reminding us that they are here to provide us support if we ever need it. I've been extremely fortunate and I'm sure that there are people you can speak to as well.

Give your friends or a family member a call - they're probably missing you! It's also worth asking one of your lecturer's or your personal tutor for a chat. Alternatively, sending an email may be much easier. University is tough and your lecturers will understand - they've been through it to. Most of them will have been through it several times (hats off to you, if you have a PhD!).

Difficult is an understatement.

I spent a good few weeks with a message asking my personal tutor if it would be okay to talk about 'non- academic' concerns saved in the 'draft' section of my email and literally had to force myself to send it, but it was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

I cannot stress enough how much of a difference it will make.

It's a massive step. Take your time. You don't have to spill everything in one go - take it at your own pace. 

It's okay.