Confusion, Uncertainty, and the Need to Be Kind

Note (just in case, mainly for copyright): This is a half-duplicated post that has also been posted on my blog over at OurWarwick. I’ve essentially just plagiarised myself (please, please don’t do this in your assignments!).

Not a post that I could have ever anticipated writing. However, in light of the current situation, I didn’t think it was appropriate to go on and ignore what is happening.

In a post a couple of posts ago I had spoken about the fear of uncertainty in the context of what next in an education/careers sense, concerns over finance, feeling disconnected, and having those anxious, anticipatory thoughts.

Without a doubt, we are all struggling with a mixture of these to some extent at this very moment.

• As students, we’re concerned about the replacement of exams online and the implications of not being in the right environment to complete them to an adequate standard, to not being able to focus on upcoming assignment deadlines and the consequences of not being able to complete research for projects and dissertations. I know that many of us will have secured work experience-y related work over the next term and the Summer which have had to be cancelled, and of course some of us are concerned about how this may affect our next steps.
  
  

•  A Level and GCSE pupils are faced with the uncertainty of their grades and are worried about how the proposed assignment of grades may not reflect their capabilities.
  
  
• Then there are the fears over jobs, finances, and the physical and mental health of others and ourselves.
   

Naturally, we are all feeling a sense of confusion, vulnerability, hopelessness, and potentially disappointment for a variety of reasons. 

One thing I have seen a lot of is people (rightly) expressing their concerns and disappointments, only to be belittled by others. Yes, there are always people who are going through much more dire situations than we are. However, one thing to remember is that someone’s concern is just as much of a concern as any other. It may not be in your perspective, but it is. We’re all in different situations and stages of our lives, and therefore facing different challenges. We all also will have faced some sort of disappointment, possibly independent of those challenges, whether that’s missing out on those months of school and your prom that you have been looking forward to all year, to losing out on a day out that you had had planned, or even something as large as potential research funding. 

They are all totally valid reasons to feel disheartened. We shouldn’t be pitting each other against one another. Everyone should be sensitive of each other’s reasons, regardless of what they are. Stress can get the better of us, but we all need each other’s support right now.  

That aside, here are some things to keep reminding yourself of:

PHYSICAL HEALTH:

• 

  Edwintp | PxHere

  We all know the precautions that we need to take. Take them.
  
  
• Face time a friend  to do a daily workout routine together if that’s something you would be into!
  
  
• Make sure that you are still able to get your prescriptions when you need them. GPs may have different procedures for this for the time being. Most non-urgent appointments have also been cancelled so if you don’t hear anything, it may be worth checking in even if its just to cancel it yourself and be put onto a waiting list.
  
  

MENTAL HEALTH:

• Many of us are unable to access the support systems that we rely on, and that’s tough. Please, check up on your friends. Take advantage of the technology we have and schedule phone calls with them. Sill let out your concerns because we know that keeping them in does no good, but perhaps do that to begin with and steer away from talking about current events for the majority of the remaining conversation if possible.
  
  
• Charities such as Mind have put up resources for some practical advice, support and guidance.
  
  
• Striking the balance between staying up to date but not being constantly reminded of the dreaded word is tricky. It’s all that is ever spoken about, but if you can try and  lock yourself in your room to watch a movie or do some crafts to distract yourself, then that’s great!
  
  
•  Of course, we’re going to have arguments with those in the same household. If you don’t have you own space or privacy (I feel you…) it can be frustrating not being able to get that alone time we may need to clear our minds. If at all possible, tell your family that you’re going into a particular room and kindly ask them not to disturb you. 
  
  

RACISM IS NOT OAKY.

There is no excuse for it and his situation provides no justification for it either. This is not something I wanted to bring up but unfortunately it is a problem. It’s incredibly degrading and insensitive.

To not end on such a negative note, here are some general activities you may want to do in the meantime. It’s so easy to get into the trap of doing work when there’s nothing else to do, but it’s important to give yourself a break, especially in this kind of situations where you may find yourself lacking focus.

THINGS TO DO:

•  Every time you wish that you could be doing something instead of being cooped up indoors, write it down! You can still make plans and fulfil them at a later date.
  
  
• That Netflix film or book you had been putting off reading/ watching because you had so much work to complete first? Give yourself a break from reality!
  
  
• Do you have an instrument that you haven’t played in ages or maybe haven’t even started to pick up yet? Pick it up and go for it. Write that song you had been putting off doing. Alternatively, have a karaoke session with you family if that’s something you’re into (please mind your neighbours though!).
  
  
• Keep up those sparkles of curiosity. You may not be able to do that (research) project now, but you can still build up some research profile to keep yourself motivated with new and exciting ideas. It may come into use when you are able to conduct it!
  
  
• 
  Crafts and Games: Pebble painting, crochet, puzzles, painting and creating things out of ‘rubbish; (like egg cartons and toilette roll tubes – Google is great for ideas!). This one could potentially turn out to be a disaster but reintroduce those Christmas board games.
  
  
• This is a classic point, but that language that you wanted to learn or haven’t returned to since A Level? Why not start now?
  
  
• Organise. Go through everything you have and clear it out: clothes, drawers, makeup, anything! You will feel pretty satisfied and pleased with yourself afterwards.

GENERAL REMINDERS:

• Shop responsibly. Remember that some people have strict dietary requirements and don’t have flexibility. Taking specially made food from the free-from section because there’s nothing else is detrimental of their health.

Finally, I just want to also take this time to thank all of your family, neighbours and friends who are still working to maintain the running of essential services. No amount of thank yous is enough. 

Also a quick note for students: 
You can imagine the massive task that universities are faced with transferring to online classes, remotely supporting their students, and reforming hundreds of exams under such a short amount of time. Don’t complain about constantly getting the same updates. For example, we have been so lucky at Warwick as we have been regularly kept updated with the progress on alternative arrangements and general updates on a regular basis, even if it’s simply to let us know that everything is still in progress it’s good information to have. Consider that some students are being left in the dark, so it’s something to be extremely grateful of. It’s only been a few weeks in and these things will take time.

Remember that this WILL pass eventually. When it does, you can pull out your list and begin to work your way through it and really appreciate those little things that were once a usual part of our routines.

Be Responsible. Stay safe. Take care of yourselves and those around you.

Virtual hugs and love to you all 💕

via GIPHY

Missing Out and Living the "University Experience"

I have been terrible at updating this blog. I know that I seem to say this all the time, but honestly, so much has been happening this term that my brain has kind of been in an overload. Sometimes you have to put certain priorities in place. Not that I don't like blogging anymore, because I love sharing my experiences with you but as I've said before, I don't want to put up half-thought-out posts.

Warning: This post kind of turned into a little rant...

I wanted to talk about something that has been on my mind an awful lot lately about the whole 'university experience' frenzy.

As I am approaching the end of my 2nd year (I can't believe it...), I'm beginning to look back and wonder, "What have I done in these last 2 years?".

I know that I talk a lot about the not-so-'typical' journey that I and many other students have had/ are having, and whilst I do promote that it's completely okay, you do have to fight that feeling of feeling like you have missed out. The cognitive dissonance really hits hard there!

I'm going to say that I feel like have done barely anything rather than have done nothing, because I know that I've gone (and am still going) through a lot of personal development and trying to find my ground. It's definitely coming together now, but I can't help but feel like I have lost out on a lot because of how long it has taken me. On the other hand, it's also partially to do with the nature of university social life and the expectations surrounding that. The whole social culture at university is extremely one-sided. Due to that, I feel like I have not lived the 'university experience'. That sounds so wrong and I hate myself for even saying it because there's no one way to live it, but truthfully, that's how it makes a lot of us feel.

No matter how many times it's promoted that there is more to being social than clubbing, drinking (and 'Circling' if you're a Warwick student!), house parties, and all the other mad stuff that goes on, that is all that ever happens. Most societies and social events that are put on and highly promoted at university are all revolved around those few activities. I've spoken about this before, but then there are the societies that claim to be inclusive and accepting of all students regardless of abilities, when they're really not. Some are also fairly 'cliquey' (new word that I learned!) so if you don't fit in well with the current members, you end up feeling quite closed off. It's honestly so frustrating because societies are supposed to be a time when you can de-stress from student life, not add more stress and worry. Our degrees do that more often than enough!

Maurício Mascaro | Pexels

That's not to say that societies aren't a great way to have fun and meet new people because for so many students, they are a brilliant option. I've said this before also, but it all depends on what your interests are, and which type of societies are competitive at your uni.

Some people will even tell you that "you're not trying hard enough" if you don't like clubbing or drinking, which is nonsense. Trying is one thing, but don't force yourself to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable for the sake of fitting in. By no means am I saying that clubbing and drinking is bad (my closest friends all love it!). I'm just saying that those who don't shouldn't feel forced to partake in them for the fear of negatively being judged for it. It's the worst thing getting told that you're not trying hard enough when you are doing all else that you can. It can make you feel so isolated.

Despite other options, it's kind of like to have to meet a criterion to be able to easily have fun beyond academics at university, or it takes so much effort just to be able to find something else to do. You really have to dig around. I was speaking to someone in the common room the other day about how although I am having such a great time with academics, I've not done anything much concretely beyond that. They had actually felt the same way during their undergraduate studies for the same reason, so we're certainly not alone. Unfortunately, it's not something that it spoken up about much, and like a lot of things, if something doesn't appear attractive to the majority, it's usually pushed behind.

It's quite ironic, because clubbing and drinking excludes so many people including those who have sensory disorders, medical issues, mental health conditions, as well as those who just aren't that type of person.

Everyone (so it seems) always hypes up about how brilliant the social life is at uni, but looking at is holistically, is it really?

I am also at that point where I'm questioning whether I've done enough myself, not just socially, but in general.

Again, I have been dotting all over the place for the last couple of years trying to figure things out, so it's that whole thinking of, "If I had known x, y and z, I would have..." or "I should have...". The thing is I wouldn't have known then, what I know now, and what I have learned or discovered since then is because of what I didn't know in the first place. That's a bit of a handful of a sentence to get your mind over, but I hope that makes sense!

Arek Socha | Pixabay

The plan was to do a placement year to (I guess, psychologically) give myself back that time I feel like I have missed, but to also allow myself to get some experience more directly related to the areas that I'm interested in since they have shifted and I have kind of figured that out a bit more. Although I do have past experience, it is (whilst still important) is not directly relevant or updated. For a lot of Master courses (which I've always known that I would need to complete) they have a desire for specialised experience. It's something that is concerning me especially because I'm not 100% where  want to go yet, but I'm doing what I can and that's all I can really do.

I have to admit that I have let some potential opportunities slip, purely on the basis that I lacked confidence in myself and because I like to overthink every awful scenario that could happen. Funny enough, I spoke about this in two posts last year: 'Am I Good Enough?' and 'Meeting Standards: Self-Doubt and Competition'. It's something I have gotten better at throughout this academic year, and especially in the past few months. It still needs work and I do wish that I got to this stage earlier, but it takes time to make progress. At least I'm getting somewhere.

Thinking about all these missing elements has me thinking about how I can make it up in my final year without burning myself out, or even thinking about what I can do now and over the Summer period to, I guess, 'catch up' with myself.

I'll work it out... Let's hope so anyway.