Fearing "I Don't Know..."

The plan was to post my plans for 2nd Year, but that's not sorted yet. Sooo... I don't know what to write. Ironically, this post is titled 'I Don't Know' because what better chance is there for a post like this?

Before I came to university this phrase was always seen as a negative phrase to say and that you should avoid saying it. Here are some common examples:

• Not knowing your next steps or career path especially during sixth form/ college meant that teachers pressured you to need to have something in place right now.
  
  
• When you're not feeling good and when you're asked why you reply that you don't really know what's causing it, to which the person you're talking to replied "I can't help you then."
  
  
• Not having an answer to a question and then being called "useless" even though the person asking has no clue either.
  
  
• Not knowing the answer to a question is class to which your teacher exclaims that it's "simple" or telling you that you can't look at your notes because you "should know".
  
  
• Not yet having mastered a skill but wanting to, only to be shamed and told that it's "basic" to know.

I will assume that you have experienced many of these yourself. A lot of us, whether we like it or not, are afraid of not knowing. However, who are we all to judge others for not having yet gained certain skills or knowledge? After all, everything we know right now is known to us because we initially didn't know and were open to discover the answer to the unknown or made an effort to master a skill.

To put it forward (and I've said this before): we need to be ignorant to learn. That requires us to firstly admit our ignorance. Therefore, to say "I don't know" should be a good thing, right? If we all pretend to know everything then we wouldn't learn anything new.

As shown from the examples listed above, this isn't the case. Instead of it being used as an opportunity to pass on your knowledge or to teach a skill which could be of great benefit to society and the individual, the response from saying this phrase elicits a feeling of shame. I guess the fear of such negative responses stop us from gaining as much understanding as possible.

via GIPHY

In school, I was given the impression that to not know is not good enough. We had no choice but to know. There were several times where I would be in a class when a peer had been asked a question and instead of admitting they didn't know they would ramble on and on until the teacher picked up a point that loosely answered the question. Really, this pupil had no idea what they were talking about and would confess to their friend after class that they "still don't understand the answer".

On the other hand, we've all been in an uncomfortable situation where we haven't been able to answer a question (even after being promoted) but the teacher insists that you know it and won't let you go until you give the correct answer. Doing the first saves the embarrassment of holding up your peers. Yet how much do we learn from doing that? I presume not very much.

I also did a mock interview once and there was a segment where I spoke about my work experience in a reception class. I mentioned about a multi-cultural day I helped children learn words of animals in Spanish. The interviewer asked how I knew how to help them with a language I wasn't familiar with, to which I told them that I had Spanish lessons in primary so basics such as animals and colours came back to me quite easily. To my surprise they responded back by saying "Oh, that's good. Otherwise you would have had to pretend to know what you were doing".

It's no wonder why so many of us find it difficult to admit that we're lacking in skill or knowledge. It makes us seem incompetent. Probably more so than we are. It can damage our self-confidence and the way that others perceive us.

However, being at university now I have been very fortunate that my lecturers have made the experience of saying "I don't know" much more positive. They use it as an opportunity to promote learning and understanding. They don't make exclamations such as "you should know this" or "this is easy. There should be no reason why you shouldn't understand it" that make us feel embarrassed. If we go up to one of our academics and tell them that we don't understand or know how to do or work something out they always tell us that "it's okay" and will ask us specifically what we need help with. If we can't pinpoint it ourselves, they are happy to sit with us and work through the material to help us get to the bottom of it.

I mentioned this in this post but I have asked some questions which I was so so embarrassed that I have even asked my lecturers in the first place. Despite that, they have never been received negatively. Thinking back, I shouldn't have been embarrassed for asking. My lecturers had no problem making clarifications and explaining things to me. If I had never asked, I wouldn't have known the answer and that would have implicated the way I went about the remainder of my studies.

I've even had moments where I have needed to talk to someone but haven't been able to give a reason as to why I'm feeling a certain way, and as hard as it makes it for them to be able to give us direction with such limited information, they have always managed to open up a conversation to help me work it out.

They have also encouraged us to come as speak to them about work experience and career options if we are feeling lost with that to. This came as a surprise to me as I had always been told that "it's up to you. No one else can help you with that". Rather than being pressured by the need to know what direction we're heading in, there's more of a "We have time. We'll work it out together" kind of response. There's no fear or shame placed onto us this way.




It's given me a completely new perspective. The staff in the department have made me feel so much more comfortable in being able to send them and email or knock on their doors and ask for help. This is something that I previously found so nerve-wracking to do. They have taught me that there is no problem with saying "I don't know" as long as we are willing to turn the 'I don't know' into 'I know'. Maybe not a complete "I know" to begin with, but it shows that we are attempting to at the minimum. The same goes for direction whether that's career wise or personal development. I have no idea where I'm heading in a few years' time or even next week. It is so stressful but there are people there who can help me to explore all these different options and open my mind to ones which I may have never thought of beforehand.

It's okay not to know a piece of information, how to do something, how you're feeling, what you want to do in a few years' time, whether you're studying the right course, and so on. However, we do need to give ourselves the opportunity to say "This isn't right. I might not be sure why, but it's completely fine that I don't". These are generally the steps I take:

1. Fully acknowledge that you don't know what you're doing.
   
   
2. Try and pinpoint exactly why you're unsure (maybe it's a new experience that you have never encountered? Is there a specific bit for information that you can't work out to be able to gain a full understanding? Could it possibly be a process of elimination and experiencing several routes).
   
   
3. Break it down into smaller sections and work through it slowly to help with the above.
   
   
4. Try and figure it out independently. Use the resources around you (create a mind map, a list, do some research on Google, YouTube; leaflets if possible).
   
   
5. Still struggling to figure it out? Need help with gaining resources to help you out (as usually the case with work experience!)? Ask. You can go onto a related form and post questions, ask your friends or family member and see if they know; ask your teachers or other people you know who may have greater knowledge if you're looking for a specific answer. Someone you know will have an answer or know someone who can help.
   
   
6. Acknowledge that whatever it is you're seeking the answer to is reasonable. There's no need to feel embarrassed. You are willing to work things out and that that's all that matters.
   
   

via GIPHY

People might judge you, but like I have already said, whatever you're asking them is something that they also didn't know (how to do) once. Someone else taught them and you're asking them to teach you or to use their knowledge to support you in figuring whatever it is out. Remind them of that.

Therefore, we need to be aware of giving others the opportunity to take from us when they are feeling a bit lost to. This is without them feeling embarrassed that they need to ask, because there's no problem with not knowing.

We are constantly learning throughout life. Out of general curiosity, the need to know essential skills, to reach is certain goal; to get to know ourselves better. We have to remember that we know what we know because we have learned with the help of other people, whether that is someone writing a textbook, information booklet, creating a video, physically showing you how to do a task, or even just by having a conversation.
 
Keep being curious. Keep asking questions. Keep up with giving yourself the chance to explore new experiences. Finally, keep sharing your skills and knowledge and using it to help others because there is nothing better than finally feeling like you have taken a step forward in the right direction or the relief of being able to master a skill that you need to or would like to without someone making negative judgements. 

That is what we should know.