Missing Out and Living the "University Experience"

I have been terrible at updating this blog. I know that I seem to say this all the time, but honestly, so much has been happening this term that my brain has kind of been in an overload. Sometimes you have to put certain priorities in place. Not that I don't like blogging anymore, because I love sharing my experiences with you but as I've said before, I don't want to put up half-thought-out posts.

Warning: This post kind of turned into a little rant...

I wanted to talk about something that has been on my mind an awful lot lately about the whole 'university experience' frenzy.

As I am approaching the end of my 2nd year (I can't believe it...), I'm beginning to look back and wonder, "What have I done in these last 2 years?".

I know that I talk a lot about the not-so-'typical' journey that I and many other students have had/ are having, and whilst I do promote that it's completely okay, you do have to fight that feeling of feeling like you have missed out. The cognitive dissonance really hits hard there!

I'm going to say that I feel like have done barely anything rather than have done nothing, because I know that I've gone (and am still going) through a lot of personal development and trying to find my ground. It's definitely coming together now, but I can't help but feel like I have lost out on a lot because of how long it has taken me. On the other hand, it's also partially to do with the nature of university social life and the expectations surrounding that. The whole social culture at university is extremely one-sided. Due to that, I feel like I have not lived the 'university experience'. That sounds so wrong and I hate myself for even saying it because there's no one way to live it, but truthfully, that's how it makes a lot of us feel.

No matter how many times it's promoted that there is more to being social than clubbing, drinking (and 'Circling' if you're a Warwick student!), house parties, and all the other mad stuff that goes on, that is all that ever happens. Most societies and social events that are put on and highly promoted at university are all revolved around those few activities. I've spoken about this before, but then there are the societies that claim to be inclusive and accepting of all students regardless of abilities, when they're really not. Some are also fairly 'cliquey' (new word that I learned!) so if you don't fit in well with the current members, you end up feeling quite closed off. It's honestly so frustrating because societies are supposed to be a time when you can de-stress from student life, not add more stress and worry. Our degrees do that more often than enough!

Maurício Mascaro | Pexels

That's not to say that societies aren't a great way to have fun and meet new people because for so many students, they are a brilliant option. I've said this before also, but it all depends on what your interests are, and which type of societies are competitive at your uni.

Some people will even tell you that "you're not trying hard enough" if you don't like clubbing or drinking, which is nonsense. Trying is one thing, but don't force yourself to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable for the sake of fitting in. By no means am I saying that clubbing and drinking is bad (my closest friends all love it!). I'm just saying that those who don't shouldn't feel forced to partake in them for the fear of negatively being judged for it. It's the worst thing getting told that you're not trying hard enough when you are doing all else that you can. It can make you feel so isolated.

Despite other options, it's kind of like to have to meet a criterion to be able to easily have fun beyond academics at university, or it takes so much effort just to be able to find something else to do. You really have to dig around. I was speaking to someone in the common room the other day about how although I am having such a great time with academics, I've not done anything much concretely beyond that. They had actually felt the same way during their undergraduate studies for the same reason, so we're certainly not alone. Unfortunately, it's not something that it spoken up about much, and like a lot of things, if something doesn't appear attractive to the majority, it's usually pushed behind.

It's quite ironic, because clubbing and drinking excludes so many people including those who have sensory disorders, medical issues, mental health conditions, as well as those who just aren't that type of person.

Everyone (so it seems) always hypes up about how brilliant the social life is at uni, but looking at is holistically, is it really?

I am also at that point where I'm questioning whether I've done enough myself, not just socially, but in general.

Again, I have been dotting all over the place for the last couple of years trying to figure things out, so it's that whole thinking of, "If I had known x, y and z, I would have..." or "I should have...". The thing is I wouldn't have known then, what I know now, and what I have learned or discovered since then is because of what I didn't know in the first place. That's a bit of a handful of a sentence to get your mind over, but I hope that makes sense!

Arek Socha | Pixabay

The plan was to do a placement year to (I guess, psychologically) give myself back that time I feel like I have missed, but to also allow myself to get some experience more directly related to the areas that I'm interested in since they have shifted and I have kind of figured that out a bit more. Although I do have past experience, it is (whilst still important) is not directly relevant or updated. For a lot of Master courses (which I've always known that I would need to complete) they have a desire for specialised experience. It's something that is concerning me especially because I'm not 100% where  want to go yet, but I'm doing what I can and that's all I can really do.

I have to admit that I have let some potential opportunities slip, purely on the basis that I lacked confidence in myself and because I like to overthink every awful scenario that could happen. Funny enough, I spoke about this in two posts last year: 'Am I Good Enough?' and 'Meeting Standards: Self-Doubt and Competition'. It's something I have gotten better at throughout this academic year, and especially in the past few months. It still needs work and I do wish that I got to this stage earlier, but it takes time to make progress. At least I'm getting somewhere.

Thinking about all these missing elements has me thinking about how I can make it up in my final year without burning myself out, or even thinking about what I can do now and over the Summer period to, I guess, 'catch up' with myself.

I'll work it out... Let's hope so anyway.