5 Lessons You Will Learn at University

First, THANK YOU so much for the lovely comments some of you have sent and left me from this blog post. They mean a lot and they really made me smile. It's so lovely to hear that I did manage to put such a complicated situation into some sort of sense.

Also, my exams are coming up within the next few weeks (eeek!) so this will be my last post until June 15th which is a WHOLE month away! I might be able to get one up a week earlier on the 8th, but don't count on it. My last exam is that week and I think I'm going to need to take a well-needed break afterwards, but as I have mentioned you can keep up to date with my posts on Twitter or Instagram.

I have also (finally) created a decent banner for my blog (scroll up!). I'd love to hear any feedback on it and I'm always open to any feedback regarding posts and blog design, so feel free to just drop some suggestions by, but please don't be too harsh! 😂


Anyways, moving on. Today's post is another simple one about a small handful of the lessons I have learned during my first year. There are so many more than just 5, but here are the ones which most students will probably come across:

1. Resilience and independence are important, BUT not too much!
   
   If you're having déjà vu, don't worry - you're not going mad! This was the focus of my very first blog post, so I won't go into too much detail here.
   
   We all know that too much of anything is never a good thing. Sometimes 'grin and bear it' works; other times it doesn't (hint: usually it doesn't). Sometimes we can independently work around tough situations. Of course, other times we struggle, and when that is the case it's important to remember that seeking help is nothing to be ashamed of. Needing some extra guidance doesn't mean that you are any less independent or resilient. As a matter of fact, sometimes to be resilient means to acknowledge when you need to ask for help.
   
   Besides, who doesn't need a bit of extra support now and then?



2. Sometimes you realise that your friends aren't your friends...
   
   Yep - one of those sad realities. Really, I should rephrase that because this doesn't just apply to friends.
   
   I found it quite surprising - to say the least - how differently people treat you after having been gone for a few months. Initially, it can come as quite a shock, having people who you thought were supportive of you (and who you probably really respected) just turn around as if you don't even exist anymore. Of course, it's upsetting at first. If I'm honest, depending on the person, you may get over it pretty quickly. On the other hand, it may linger and the back of your mind for a while.
   
   Nevertheless, you'll get over it eventually, and there's even a positive to this situation. Your friendships/ relationships with the ones who really care about you will only get stronger. You will learn that you can trust and rely on each other, even miles apart!
   
   There's also the fact that people change. It's kind of like that transformation that you witness in your primary school peers when they reach about year 9/ year 10, but less extreme. You will see changes in the personalities, manners, and values of some of your friends and even yourself. Those changes may not click well together, and you may just happen to gradually fall out of contact, but again, it happens. Regardless, hopefully you will still respect and support another in this case.



3. Secure everything!
   
   This is essentially another way of saying: nothing is safe in student accommodation. Not even your own room in some cases, and here are the key reasons why:
   
   Firstly, students will steal things. Some of them like to call it 'borrowing' but chances are, they will never return the 'borrowed' item. I kid you not when I say that I had to eat pasta with chopsticks last term because it was the only thing I had left. You will end up having to hide cutlery in your room.
   
   Secondly, I beg you to always lock your room even if you're just heading out to the kitchen to cook dinner. Students play pranks on each other. You may come back and find that someone has stuck an asparagus onto your ceiling. Just for reference - it's a true story. I didn't experience it personally, but this went on for about a month in my accommodation block. Then you get the horror stories of hearing  a student walking into their room and finding a drunk student collapsed onto their floor or bed. You don't want that.



4. Your professors genuinely want to help you (most of the time!)
   
   I have put most of the time in brackets because some students may disagree with me. There's always an exception, but you will quickly learn when and who those exceptions lie with.
   
   Personally, I've not yet had an issue. Lecturers and personal tutors will often tell you that no question is too daft to ask. The chances are, if they say so; they really mean it.
   
   I've asked some pretty daft questions which I am embarrassed to even have asked after receiving the answer. In fact, the first email I sent was to one of my lecturers asking whether it would be fine to cite and reference scientific articles and well as journals. Clearly, I hadn't yet worked out the fact that journals are a collection of articles. As much as it made me (and still makes me want to every time I think about it!) crawl into a corner and just hide, the lecturer was so understanding. Besides telling me the obvious, she sent me a whole paragraph explaining the process of how researchers get their research articles published.
   
   Point is, no matter how stupid you think a question is, your lecturers will understand that you are simply learning. Your questions shouldn't be received in a negative manner, and if they are then that's probably something that needs to be brought to attention, but hopefully that shouldn't be the case. Academics  are generally quite friendly, and they really enjoy sharing their knowledge. You're at uni to learn and in order to learn you have to be ignorant!



5. There are times when you have to be the 'mean' one.

   

   Pexels | Christina Morillo

   
   
   I have 2 words: group + projects. If there's one thing that all students LOVE, it's a group project. We simply can't get enough of them.
   
   Okay, but in all seriousness - they are an absolute pain. If you thought that groups projects at school were bad, wait until you do one at uni. If you think that it will be fun doing one with a group of friends, I'm warning you now that you are going to change your mind on that.
   
   Unless you are really lucky, there's always going to be someone who doesn't do their part, or your peers will do tasks at the last minute. Don't even get me started on lack of communication and the frustration of peers ignoring your messages when you're trying to get things done.
   
   If no one puts things in order, then things will go very wrong. Sometimes that person has to be you. I don't mean be bossy, but just lead them. Set the deadlines, split the work up, and reword your messages so that they have no choice but to reply to you. I actually have a planned post on tips to deal with these kinds of situations coming up.
   
   I put mean in quotations marks because is it really being mean? That's how it makes you feel sometimes, and your peers probably aren't going to like it as much as you hate to have to do it, but it has to be done. Assignments are stressful and if there's any way that stress can be limited, go for it. Remember that this affects your performance as well, so don't let others discredit that.

Again, there are endless of other lessons you learn from university to whether  academic, social, general life lessons, or personal development. Some of them may come as unexpected, but they will all teach you something valuable one way or another.

I hope exams are going well for those of you who have started, and best of luck if you have any coming up! The end is in sight! So close, yet so far - you're nearly there!

If you have already completed them (yay! 🎉) I hope they went well and that you're now giving yourself a well-earned break!

See you guyys soon!

For the meantime feel free to leave some blog post recommendations and suggestions by sending me a message or leaving them in the comments below if you have any!

Just a Quick Update

It's exam season at university, and I presume AS-Levels and GCSE's will be starting soon, followed by A-Levels.

I'm not sure if I have any regular readers at all, but in short, I'm not really sure what's going to be happening in the next month and a bit. I have another short post scheduled for 2 weeks' time (on the 18th) as usual, but I may not be posting after that until exams are done, where my next one after that will be on June 15th.

We'll see how things go. I just don't want to be publishing posts which aren't to standard for you all.

In other news, I have created an Instagram account so that you can keep up to date with my posts!

Click the Instagram button below the 'About Me' information on the right and it will take you straight to it.

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If you have upcoming exams: Good luck! 

 

Most importantly: PLEASE remember to look after yourself: sleep (try to at least), eat properly, and make sure that you set aside time to rest and do things you enjoy is the rule of 3 to follow!

Geese, Squirrels, and Ducks are Cute, but also Scary

Considering that my last post was quite full on, it's time for a more (and slightly unconventional) relaxed post!

Let's talk about wildlife at Warwick!

A lot of the time we associate nature with peace and calmness. However, sometimes you will find that the reality can be the complete opposite.

Firstly, I will talk about something every Warwick student loves (besides our campus friend Rolf. Obviously, he will always take the top spot): the geese on campus.


Warwick is known for its (sometimes aggressive) geese who tend to hang out outside Math/ Statistics and by accommodations which are situated near lakes.

They look cute at first when you see them huggling (that's probably not a word, but we'll just go with it) down for bedtime in the evenings, or swimming alongside their gosling. If I just walk past them, no harm done, right?

WRONG! They will attack and they need no reason to!
Lucky, I've not (yet!) experience a goose attack, but plenty of students have.

At this time of the year when they're with their goslings  it's best to keep your distance. We even have notes stuck around student accommodation warning us to be aware!

They also make some strange noises.

Play the audio on the left to hear the goose 'honking' outside my student accommodation. This literally went on for an hour. Trying to do that online test was a struggle!

Let's also not forget the trail of 💩💩💩 they leave on the paths. Every Warwick student has found themselves dodging over the mess on the way to a lecture or seminar!

Nevertheless, the geese are a special part of our campus and we still love seeing them around!


I have also mentioned squirrels in the post title. If you ask me the squirrels are just as bad (except that don't attack you on purpose)!

Edwin Andrews | Pexels

This reminds me of an event I witnessed:

During my first term I was walking to a lecture and I spot two squirrels chasing each other. I thought it was cute. BUT the next thing you know Squirrel #2 appears to tag Squirrel #1's and runs across the road right past me. Poor Squirrel #1 was just standing there on their hind legs, and I'm not even joking - I have never seen such a sad-looking squirrel in my life. Turns out Squirrel #2 had stolen their precious acorn...Sad times...😢

I don't really know why I shared that story with you, but there we go.

Anyways, before I go on a tangent about how sorry I feel for the squirrel- why are squirrels as scary as geese?

They literally jump out at you from NOWHERE. There are so many bushes on campus, which means plenty hiding spaces. There has been endless amount of times when I have been casually walking and a squirrel has shot out just a few inches away from me. If it's ever happened to you, you will know that it literally makes your heart skip a beat.

I think that we will all agree that walking around in the dark is scary. Walking in the dark + squirrels rustling around in bushes = frightening. Add some creepy music in for more effect and you have yourself one of those scenes from a horror movie where you get the impression that the protagonist is being stalked, something pops out of nowhere giving you a jump-scare, and it turns out to be nothing scary at all.

Another story: I once got scared because a leaf flew in my face and I genuinely thought that it was a squirrel... In my defence, the leaf was basically the same colour and size of a squirrel.

I still think they're cute though!

Elsemargriet | Pixabay

Moving onto the ducks!

I should really have my own photo of the ducks, but it turns out that I don't.

Fun fact: Warwick apparently ranks 4th place when it comes to 🦆 density on university grounds.

To be completely honest, there's not much to say about the ducks on campus. They just mind their own business.

In my opinion, we need to worry about the ducks. They seem pretty friendly (...wait for me to get attacked by one within the next week or so).

Despite the occasional disturbances and scares I actually missed seeing the geese, squirrels, and ducks every day during the Easter break, but I'm enjoying seeing them all again now! I can't sit and cuddle them like my guinea pigs, but it will do. I can only imagine!

There's usually a take-home message on my posts, but since this was just a fun and random 'wildlife at Warwick' post, there's not really one. I guess the general message is that if you go to university with a lot of wildlife - appreciate it! That's that!

I also have an update for you all here about the next  month or so.

Are You Feeling Lonely at Uni? Don't be Ashamed!

Preliminary Note (not sure what to all this): 

Feeling very nervous about writing this. Throwing myself in the deep end here but knowing that I would have benefited from hearing or reading similar experiences from other students made me rethink about my decision to not post.

Amongst being filled with all of social media posts showing the ideal uni friendships and social lives, I know that someone somewhere needs to know that this isn’t something that they should feel ashamed of, and that it’s a reality that a more students than we realise go through (though it seems far from it). If this is you, please know that there is nothing wrong with who you are. For some of us it just understandably takes a bit more time.

Extra Note: thank you to my buddies for reading through this and giving me the post approval!

Extra extra note: I did do a group project (a blog post) on a very similar topic a while ago, so if you happen to notice a few similarities, that’s why! I may have integrated some of the points I made on that post into this one!

Anyways, here goes...

Going to university on your own, without any of your friends, is probably one of the many unnerving thoughts that goes through a prospective student’s mind.

We always hear that "making friends will be easy" at university as no one knows anyone else, but I think that the ‘art’ of friendship making at university is relatively understated. Getting along with other people and forming friendships are two very different levels.

Upon entering university we’re all at a point where we feel quite vulnerable. Most of us are away from home, our family, and friends. Some of these friendships we leave behind will be long-term; grounded ones.  Then there’s the social pressure which comes along with the stereotypical atmosphere surrounding student social life.

Now, Freshers Week… 

*Insert a very looooooooong pause here*

  

Not got much to say about it to be honest. All I remember were the Psychology sessions.

IsabellaMendes | Pexels

If you are the clubbing/party-type  of person, you probably will have a plenty of stories to tell, but like many other students I’m not. Chances of me getting squashed is p < .05 (translation: pretty high), because if you know me, I’m pretty tiny. Also, not everyone likes large crowds, loud music, or going out late.

Whilst universities do try to integrate activities for those who aren’t fond of that sort off atmosphere, they all get lost amongst all the typical student nightlife. As a result, all you ever hear about are the clubs and parties and ‘extreme’ social events.

This party/ drinking culture probably contributes to a large part of feeling socially disconnected.

With this, our friends like to send updates in the form of photos and videos, and I absolutely love getting their updates. Whilst this is the norm throughout term-time, it’s probably the most frequent during the first term. Seeing my friends having the time of their lives, making new friends, and getting the text messages of stories about their days out is great. That is until I would get the realisation that I’m in a room, on my own, having not had the experience of a day out with some (non-existent) uni friends. 

It seems that as soon as you are a uni student the two questions you forever get asked are “how’s your course going?” and something along the lines of “are you enjoying  the social life?”.

Ana Francisconi | Upsplash

I felt like I was the only one who had nothing ‘exciting’ to report back to my friends. Not that they would value me any less, but it just felt so… awkward. Especially those moments where I would be sitting there listening to everyone’s stories and someone would notice I hadn’t said a word yet, turn to me, and say, “So, Aimee. What you been up to?”

Of course, this was always with good intentions, but I found myself shying away from questions asking me about the social aspects of university. Whilst this was easy to do through text, when it came to direct face-to-face conversations, it would make me want to crawl into a corner as I feel myself literally trying to fight back this sudden shadow of sadness (which is just a really weak way to describe it, but it’s kind of like those animations where someone will be standing there and all of the sudden this raincloud appears above their head). 

It’s a question which I still DREAD every time I come back home for the end-of-term break and see people.

I know that many others have found themselves in the same boat.  It fills you with paranoiac thoughts. 

• Why haven’t I made any friends yet? 
•  Do other students just not like me? Why?
• Is there something I’m doing wrong? (the answer in NO!)

On a personal level, this was heightened by the fact that I’m pretty much the only one within my friendship group who went to uni without a friend (or at least one nearby). As well as seemingly knowing quite a lot of people who just happen to be at universities within close proximity to their friends:

• One person who’s at uni with her best friend; 
• A really close friend who is at uni  studying the same course with two of her friends; 
• Then on top of that my two closest friends are at uni together.

The last of those was probably the one that hit me the hardest, especially considering that I had gone thorough pre-school, primary, secondary, and Sixth Form with my best friend. Meanwhile, I’m 100 miles away, so the option of visiting wasn’t even viable considering the cost and length of the journey, and that I had lessons every day.

It’s at these times when we feel like we are missing out on all the shared-experiences that we once had with our friends… Together.

If you find yourself in a similar circumstance, I just want you to know that there’s no shame in feeling a little bit jealous that you’re not there sharing these experiences with your friends. It’s a perfectly valid way to feel. 

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As the term and academic year goes on it appears as though everyone else on your course and your flatmates have some well-grounded friendships in place. When you don’t feel like you do, this just becomes even more emphasised in your perception. For me, this was probably the worst during seminars, when everyone seemed to already be in a friendship group and I just sat on my own. That is until the daunting moment you are asked to get into groups… Panic!

Despite talking to someone who you trust being one of the best therapies, this also comes with finding the right person to speak to. There’s that frustration of those people who tell you to just “go out more” and to just “talk to people”, or that "you're supposed to meet your lifelong friends at uni and have the best time of your life!". It’s probably one of THE WORST things anyone struggling with a similar situation has to hear. Very helpful when you know that’s exactly what you are trying to do. All you want to say is: I  AM trying to talk to other students who you come across and I AM trying to find the right society group.

The thing is, it doesn’t work like that. There are some circumstances where we just can’t find the right group of people or society. If you’re on a course like me with almost 200 students (perhaps more!), it’s quite tough to navigate yourself around everyone.

Furthermore, certain societies within universities can be very competitive. The types of societies which are competitive will vary across universities, but if it’s something that you really enjoy doing this can make it very difficult to and integrate yourself into.

rawpixel.com | Pexels

It’s even more upsetting when you get the impression that others feel like you’re not trying hard enough, when the whole situation is genuinely physically and mentally draining you. 

The worst point is when it seems like you are not even taking a step forward in the right  direction. You begin to feel disconnected from everyone around you. Even talking to a group of people who you perhaps regularly see is a struggle. You just don’t feel like you’re in the right place. 

Maybe you get into that bad habit of replaying and analysing every single moment of interaction you have with someone. 

Then there comes the danger of isolating yourself. Unconscious of it, you begin to give up. This only makes it harder to join in with social interactions. I’ve recently come to the realisation that I’m guilty of this, but realising it is a step forward.

Another thing to note, which one of friend’s who reviewed this post wanted to share is that just because someone is in your flat/ halls or module group, don’t feel like you have to build a friendship with them, especially if you have no common ground. Be friendly and civil but feeling like you have to be around certain people because they were the first people who you met, or simply for the sake of feeling like you have to stick around, may be preventing you from finding those people who you do click with.

There’s one thing which I really want to alliterate at this point:

Please, KEEP AN EYE ON YOURSELF. 
This is hard and it’s something I am still trying to get to grips with myself, but the basic things to look out for are:

• Ensuring that you are eating well and enough.
• Checking in on how you are sleeping (too much or too little).
• Making sure that this isn’t having an impact on your studies.
•  Reflecting on your behaviours (especially those avoidance behaviours which are so easy to get into).

If I’m going to be completely honest, sometimes I’m still in denial about the way I feel. Most of the time it's because I feel plagued with guilt for feeling the way I do, when I know that there's so much to be (and I am) grateful for. Then there's the guilt of feeling like you’re being a burden on others, no matter how many times they insist that it's fine for you to speak to them.

Nevertheless, we all eventually learn (time and time again) that suppressing your emotions is not the way to go. A large part of this problem is that the majority of the time you aren’t even conscious that it is something that you are doing.

Nevertheless, one of the most important steps is to acknowledge how you are feeling, before you can actively act upon them. It takes time.

Some General Tips:

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• Volunteering (as an alternative to societies)
  This is a great way of combating the feeling of loneliness. One thing I am going to do next academic year is to take up something that will force me to interact with people, like visiting a care home or helping children to read on a weekly basis. It gives you something you have to commit to so that you don't get into the habit of isolating yourself. You can adapt this to your own interests, but of course try something new as well! Sometimes it’s the things we least expect that we end up enjoying the most!



• Don’t lock yourself in your room.
  I know this is hard not to do when you’re feeling really blue, but even if it’s as simple as going out and sitting somewhere on campus to do your work for a few hours is enough. Taking a walk may be good to. You may not feel like you don't want to do it, but sometimes it’s a beneficial  reminder to know that there’s a world outside your lecture theatres and room.
  



• Keep in touch with friends and family.
  This is where social media can provide benefits. Arrange to give your best friend a call, I’m sure that they will be happy to hear from you! They're the ones who can distract us and make us smile from miles away.



• I’m aware that you probably hear this all the time, but I have to say it: if you feel the need to please speak to your personal tutor or another other academic you trust.
  As mentioned previously, sending an email is a good call if you feel uncomfortable directly asking. It may be one of the most nerve-wrecking things you will do, but it’s one button and sometimes that one click can make the greatest difference. This can be a general chat, or if required (and when you feel ready) they can point you to resources around campus and on your university’s website.
  

Further tips and advice can be found on the links below:

Mind

The Student Room

Student Minds

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Your university should hopefully have a wellbeing or counselling service page with some helpful links and information to. Please don’t let the word ‘wellbeing’ or ‘counselling’ scare you. They won’t be looking into your search history!

I’m not really sure how to end this, but if you’re a student (or anyone) who has struggled, I hope this has lifted a little bit of that heavy feeling off your chest to know that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with who you are. It just takes some of us more time than others to find the right people, and that's okay!

I hope this has also helped those of you with struggling friends to maybe understand their situation a little bit more, because it is a confusing one to have to explain. It can be it’s hard to know how to support them and they will completely understand that.
Sometimes just a little hug is enough!  

If you are one of my friends, (well, you’ve already read this by the time it’s gone up, but) please keep sending the photos and videos! I do LOVE seeing them, especially the hilarious mini vlog updates (you know who you are!).  

To my best friend (and all the other best friends/ supportive people out there reading this), thank you for your kindness and understanding, because it means so much. We don't always tell you, but we appreciate you guys much more than words can express and it's your messages which brighten up for a few moments when we feel the most alone.

 If you have any other tips, comments or suggestions to share, leave them in the comments below. I've left the option open for anonymous comments as that may be more comfortable.

Finally, if you do happen to be a Warwick student in need of a chat about anything, please do get in touch if you want to. It would be great to get to know you! 😊

I'm aware that this is quite long, so thank you for reading through this post, 

especially if you have managed to get through the whole thing!